green. You are green. My favorite colour. You have always been green, and you always will be. Deep olive that whispers in my ear as I catch myself to keep from falling. But then I fall anyway, and I cannot blame you, because it is not your fault but mine. It is mine. Because I let myself fall. You were not always olive. Not until the red mixed in. You were the purest hue that screamed "Caution" because it's all it knew how to do. You were beautiful. Too beautiful. That's why you needed red. That's why you let me fall. I was red. Every day I poured a little more of my colour into you, every day making me a little more gray. I was the gray of fear. The delusional rhetoric that clung to you, forcing you to see something you could not and praying to a god I don't believe in that you would feel something you would not. I am irrational. I am cold and white and unforgiving and fake. I am a painting that hides every brushstroke so that you think it a photograph, a window. I wish I were real. I am not a window. I remember... I remember it in yellow. The yellow custard and butterscotch hues that draw me back to you, to everything about you. You are special. Whether you can believe it or not you are beautiful. You must be, for you are green. You are green like a thousand blades of grass in the gentle glow of after-rainfall. But I am not green. I am gray. All my saturation has bled out and dried up in a dust of blue. Slowly charcoal flakes fall from my skin and shatter against the mahogany wood along with tears. My tears can clean the mercury silver out of my eyes so they sparkle aquamarine. But the gray always comes back. Chestnut -- silky chestnut that slid smooth between my fingers. All you and all mine. I could hold you close forever and stroke that beautiful auburn diadem of curls and satin. Tracing down to soft warm porcelain, no ivory, tight and pallid and everything that makes me wish I had an eternity with you. Stretched and slender and so wonderful to hold tight against me... then that is the violette. Red drained, and violette became blue. That's because I let it. You see, even blue feels better than gray. Gray is beautiful. It's beautiful like the deathly olive green that I created. Green is my favorite colour. back part of the feuschia project